Anniversary #1: "I Do" Again and Again

One year ago today, David and I faced about 90 guests and pledged to do the impossible. To consistently love and cherish each other, forgive easily when we are offended, to submit to and serve each other, until death parts us.

Impossible, of course, without divine intervention. Blessedly, as I threw out to two Jehovah Witness missionaries passing us on the sidewalk a few weeks back, "We're good. We're covered."

Only because of God's grace. 

On April 26, 2008, it felt like I purposely decided to jump off a cliff. But with love oozing out of my pores, filling me from the top of my head to the tips of my toes, I took a chance. I decided to love David to the best of my ability for more than a few months or even a few years. Truthfully, I decided to love him in a permanent fashion. I decided to love him especially in those times I knew I would not feel like loving him, and he pledged the same. I have lived 36 years now, but aside from my decision to become a Jesus-follower, I have never embarked on anything bigger.

I put all my eggs into one basket. Went for broke. And came back smiling. What a ride.

Marriage has always been a mystery to me; it remains so today. Except for this: I have never seen myself so clearly except through the mirror of David's eyes. Never have I been more vulnerable, yet confident. So altered, while at the same time becoming more and more true to the person God created me to be. It is a life of paradoxes, as author Mike Mason notes in The Mystery of Marriage:

And so it is in marriage that when the Lord draws a man and a woman together in the most intimate of human associations, He does so by giving them his love, which is all that can shield them through the searing experience of self-revelation they are to undergo. This is an experience that all people both crave and fear, with a fear that is conquerable only by love. Only love can drive out the constant threat of condemnation and rejection that otherwise haunts and spoils all experiences of intimacy. People cannot seem to refrain from judging one another, and in the crucible of marriage the judgment can be so intense and oppressive that the only recourse is the loving forgiveness of the other's wrongs, and in turn a courageous willingness to see one's own sinfulness exposed, conquered, and actually replaced by the other's love. In such a relationship, a true transfusion and transformation of characters may take place as each puts on the good qualities of the other and forgives the bad. Each is armor to the other, each is the other's strength and worth.

We are lovers, David and I, not just when we are intimate or affectionate. We are lovers when one of us forgets to do something and we overlook the slight. Lovers also use the force of their personality and strengths to show favor to the object of their love. I love David when I make his favorite granola or mint iced tea without being requested to do so; he pours out his love when he gets excited about all the things I will learn and discover in seminary. His love prompts him to think ahead, planning the best ways for me to travel or the perfect gluten-free meal for me to eat. I take down his thirsty brown towel and replace it with a fresh one, and no one but me is the wiser. He takes out the recycling, I replenish the cupboards. Sometimes he cooks; sometimes it is I who shoves the enchiladas into the oven. 

But each act is a contribution to a partnership. Each thing is a statement about our intentions and our commitment. Self-revelation, indeed. And when the reflection in the other's eyes holds up a truth that is ugly, that smells, that reveals our base self-centeredness, the reaction we strive for and move toward is the gradual light of forgiveness dawning in those same eyes. We embrace the truth of our sin and imperfection. We accept the forgiveness of God through our lover's heart. We decide to say "I do" to God and to each other over and over again.

I'll close with some Irving Berlin lyrics, carefully selected for my one and only:

I've got a great big amount
Saved up in my love account
Honey
And I've decided
Love divided
In two
Won't do

So
I'm putting all my eggs in one basket
I'm betting everything I've got on you