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It reminds me of the IT guy who said most computer problems happen between the chair and the keyboard. Hmmm.
I really, really want to stop breaking things.
This morning, I finished a whale of a book titled The Hour I First Believed. I can't recommend it to you, mainly because of the profanity and immorality I found in its pages. I almost gave up on it myself. What kept me going was the hope of redemption. The protagonist's wife was a nurse in the library at Columbine during the shootings, and let's just say the axis of the main story line is how this quite certainly ruined their lives--post-traumatic stress led to drug addiction, drug addiction led to hitting a kid with a car, which landed her in jail, which....
Well, anyway, the characters are tormented at times. And they keep asking themselves, if there is a God, how could he ever let these terrible things happen, how could he let evil have free reign? The book went on and on, exposing the characters at their weakest, as daily trials came their way. But I was hoping, from the title, that the main character, Caelum, would find redemption, like I said. I was hoping he would find a loving God who hates suffering as we do, who offers a way of redemption, who will give us hope despite our present sadnesses and the twistedness of the world.
Instead, Caelum begins to suspect there is a higher power. And he sort of sees how history progresses and that good can still happen. And that is THE HOUR HE FIRST BELIEVED?
I wanted to weep. Because with his wife dead, and the character's mother and father's histories, his three marriages, alcoholism, etc., I wanted him to find more than a glimmer of hope. Something in me wanted him to find Jesus. To be broken so he could be filled up. What I didn't want was a sappy Christian ending. What I did crave was a resolution that fills the God-shaped hole in our hearts. A surrender.
I read page upon page of brokenness, lust, greed, envy, pride, and hatred. And I happen to know personally that those who are most broken most see their need of a God who rescues. I know this personally, from some really tough struggles with depression. I know something about how my heavenly Father "binds up the brokenhearted" and "proclaims freedom for the captives." I have been the one at the end of her rope. And he so patiently rescued me--more than once.
Isaiah 61
1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners, [a]
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
The Hour I First Believed is just a book, you say. And that is true. But the themes in it ring true and loudly: does a God who supposedly create the world care about me? And if so, how could he ever allow this &*%$ chaos to happen.
It's universal, my friends. Talk to your neighbor or your mail carrier, your mother or your mentor. Underneath, we're all asking the same questions, in different ways.
Let me be clear on one thing: it is true. All of it. Jesus really does love the whole world, and you and me specifically. We can all find the rescue our hearts long for. Keep searching. And while you're at it, read the book of John in the Bible and one particular Psalm--Psalm 139.
What about you? Is our Abba-Father restoring the broken pieces in your life? Do share...
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