A sneak peek at our wedding

Attention: For all of those who have prayed for our friend Jack, our prayers have been answered in a big way! We visited together last night, and it was such a joy to see him sitting, walking, and talking--he even prayed for me. And, he plans to WALK ME DOWN THE AISLE. It was a big prayer, to be sure, following his heart attack just 3 weeks ago. To say we are thrilled is an understatement. We are grinning from ear to ear.

And now, for our faraway friends who can't be with us Saturday, a sneak peek at our vows--the most important part of the day.

Enjoy...

Suzie, I rejoice at the love God has brought to us—and I can't wait to become your husband. Today, I pledge to seek first to find the security, value, and love I crave from my heavenly Father. I acknowledge I am accountable to God for the attitude of my heart and my choices. With the help of the Holy Spirit, I will do my best to love you as Christ loves the church, offering agape love to you through my thoughts, words and actions; to pray for you and with you; to bring out the best in you; to share and delight in your joy and also to share your struggles; to care for you in sickness and in health; to forgive you quickly when I have been offended; and to adventure with you into the future God has called us to, until death parts us.

David, I rejoice at the love God has brought to us—and I can't wait to become your wife. Today, I pledge to seek first to find the security, value, and love I crave from my heavenly Father. I acknowledge I am accountable to God for the attitude of my heart and my choices. With the help of the Holy Spirit, I will do my best to offer agape love to you. I will seek to respect you through my thoughts, words, and actions; to follow your lead and submit to you; to pray for you and with you; to bring out the best in you; to share and delight in your joy and also to share your struggles; to care for you in sickness and in health; to forgive you quickly when I have been offended; and to adventure with you into the future God has called us to, until death parts us.

Goodbye to my friends at BPG

For over three years now, I've worked at Baker Publishing Group, marketing great books and discovering lots about myself and others in the process.

I've enjoyed the challenge of maintaining relationships with authors, building marketing plans and executing them, and spending lots of creative time behind closed doors with coworker-friends, titling books and trying to decide which ones should be published and how.

I cleaned out my desk. I emptied my email inbox. I sent messages telling people to contact my coworker after I left. I organized my files. And yesterday when it came time to finally exit the building, with wellwishes in tow, I felt my lower lip tremble as I said so many hasty goodbyes.

I walked out and walked away from my daily routine, a job rich with relationship, and a life filled with access to good resources. Sigh.

But it is only right to say goodbye. Because until one does, she cannot walk forward into the new life that awaits her. She must say goodbye and even allow the emotion of it all to make her stomach turn and her eyes water. This is what therapists call closure. It is necessary, but I believe I've had enough of it now.

There are only so many times the heart can take saying goodbye to some of the most amazing people I've known, at work and out of work.

Goodbye dear, dear friends. I keep you in my heart always--and I thank God for email. :)

High time to blog

I don't know quite how to say this . . . but I am getting married in 14 days. Unbelievable!

It's been so long since I've truly set down to think about writing, that I've got a bazillion things to say. But I'll try to at least keep them organized, and to at least let you know when I'm changing the subject. I'll try.

This morning
Jack (the guy who was planning to walk me down the aisle) had triple bypass surgery and came through swimmingly. His wife Lahree reports that they may put him into a regular room by tomorrow. We're absolutely thrilled and so thankful to God for healing. Now if we can only find ways to entertain him through his hospital stay...three weeks and counting. (see posted pic of Jack and Lahree up by Lake Michigan a few years ago)

Goodbye to the Y
For 9 years, I've taught water aerobics every Thursday night at 6:30 at my local Y. It's like the best habit ever--super good workout and one hour of play in the wet stuff. I'll miss it lots, and the people, and the secrets shared while working out in the pool, and the workouts that have cleared my head and helped me heal through depression.

I once sat in the sauna and sobbed about a failed romance. I kept working out after losing a job, and continued still after finding a new one. I have felt my muscles and body grow stronger, while my spirit did as well. It's been a constant...and the people in my class have become friends.

Goodbye to my Y. You will be missed.

And farewell to my friends
I've been blessed through two wedding showers--one with my coworkers and one with girlfriends at the local melting pot fondue restaurant (a sweet experience, indeed!).

My dear friend Julie (the one I've traveled with, prayed with, cryed with, and celebrated with) graciously made shower #2 a soothing and uplifting experience. I was speechless after each amazing woman shared what they appreciate about me, blessing me with their friendship and their lovely gifts.

Dinner with coworkers Katy, Karen, and Phyllis, had me laughing so hard my stomach hurt later!

I'm rich with relationship, and my heart is sore at having to say goodbye. Good thing I know God's plans are good as I start a new life.

And that true friendships never die.

Sometimes a girl needs a good cry
Last night, I was talking on the phone to David, and something set me off emotionally and there was no going back. I hung up the phone and sobbed about everything in general--the absence of my dad during this joyful time, saying goodbye to my coworkers and my livelihood, leaving kindred-spirit friendships that have sustained me, leaving my church behind, my hairstylist and my gym, my doctors and my usual local haunts.

New routine awaits me, and now it is time to say goodbye to the old. I hold it fondly, but am preparing to let it go. Change can be good, but it is good and right to fully grieve the letting go.

It's so true--sometimes a girl just needs a good cry.

And now, looking ahead
"Two roads diverged in the woods, and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."

I quoted the above by Robert Frost last Saturday as David and I walked the trail around the lake, and were forced to choose between two paths. And it reminded me that our choices, usually the hardest ones, are turning points, and they often involve obedience and sacrifice, and it made me wonder what paths David and I will choose as we walk forward through life together. I feel in my heart that we will take the one less traveled by--praying to our Creator to show us the way, to give us the strength to live bold and large, following his lead, and leaning into his strength. And I know we will do this all imperfectly.

A month or two ago, we baked a yummy loaf of crusty gluten-free cinnamon raisin bread, and it was fresh out of the oven. David cut a piece off the loaf, took a bite, put his arm around me, and held the bread up to my mouth for me to have a taste. And it was delicious, so fresh.

Then I took the slice, and I held it up to his mouth, and he took a bite--back and forth, feeding each other. Waiting patiently for our turn.

And it occurred to me in that new moment, one I had never experienced in any way before, that this was what our marriage would be about.

As we become one in every way, discovering how to sustain each other--being taken care of than taking care of the other. It was such an intimate moment that it took my breath away, and I think I will remember it always.
David, I hold your heart carefully, longingly, looking forward to life together--to so many days of sharing bread with you.

18 days...and counting!

It is surreal to sit and think that in 18 days I will be a "Mrs." and that I get to spend the rest of the life with the man I love. I have much more to blog, but it must wait until I can get a good wireless connection with my laptop (probably at Panera this weekend).

Our friend Jack continues to improve, and we enjoyed a visit with him on Sunday. Bypass surgery is scheduled for 7:15 am Friday, and we would appreciate your continued prayers.

No clue, really, whether he'll be able to be present at the wedding. But we do have a backup plan. We're just thrilled to know he's growing stronger each day.

Be back soon...

PROOF POSITIVE God answers prayers

Y'all, sometimes God doesn't answer prayers in the way I am hoping and pleading...but this time, he continues to answer yes to our prayers for Jack! Not only did Jack say "I want to go home!" on Sunday, he also asked our pastor how church was that morning. So like him to switch the focus to someone else. :)

An MRI showed normal brain function, too--just to prove God's emphatic "yes" in this situation.

Let's all continue to pray big. Jack's had a bit of agitation, which is probably from some medicine, so they are sedating him until they can figure it out. How should you pray? Pray they can solve this issue, and then pray that effective bypass surgery can be performed soon so our dear Jack can go home!

There's no place like home, as Dorothy says, so let's pray his surgery and recovery comes quickly so he can continue to recover at home.

Thank you, heavenly Father, for reminding us that you listen to our prayers--help us to remember to pray big so you can continue to do big things in our lives.