Anniversary #1: "I Do" Again and Again

One year ago today, David and I faced about 90 guests and pledged to do the impossible. To consistently love and cherish each other, forgive easily when we are offended, to submit to and serve each other, until death parts us.

Impossible, of course, without divine intervention. Blessedly, as I threw out to two Jehovah Witness missionaries passing us on the sidewalk a few weeks back, "We're good. We're covered."

Only because of God's grace. 

On April 26, 2008, it felt like I purposely decided to jump off a cliff. But with love oozing out of my pores, filling me from the top of my head to the tips of my toes, I took a chance. I decided to love David to the best of my ability for more than a few months or even a few years. Truthfully, I decided to love him in a permanent fashion. I decided to love him especially in those times I knew I would not feel like loving him, and he pledged the same. I have lived 36 years now, but aside from my decision to become a Jesus-follower, I have never embarked on anything bigger.

I put all my eggs into one basket. Went for broke. And came back smiling. What a ride.

Marriage has always been a mystery to me; it remains so today. Except for this: I have never seen myself so clearly except through the mirror of David's eyes. Never have I been more vulnerable, yet confident. So altered, while at the same time becoming more and more true to the person God created me to be. It is a life of paradoxes, as author Mike Mason notes in The Mystery of Marriage:

And so it is in marriage that when the Lord draws a man and a woman together in the most intimate of human associations, He does so by giving them his love, which is all that can shield them through the searing experience of self-revelation they are to undergo. This is an experience that all people both crave and fear, with a fear that is conquerable only by love. Only love can drive out the constant threat of condemnation and rejection that otherwise haunts and spoils all experiences of intimacy. People cannot seem to refrain from judging one another, and in the crucible of marriage the judgment can be so intense and oppressive that the only recourse is the loving forgiveness of the other's wrongs, and in turn a courageous willingness to see one's own sinfulness exposed, conquered, and actually replaced by the other's love. In such a relationship, a true transfusion and transformation of characters may take place as each puts on the good qualities of the other and forgives the bad. Each is armor to the other, each is the other's strength and worth.

We are lovers, David and I, not just when we are intimate or affectionate. We are lovers when one of us forgets to do something and we overlook the slight. Lovers also use the force of their personality and strengths to show favor to the object of their love. I love David when I make his favorite granola or mint iced tea without being requested to do so; he pours out his love when he gets excited about all the things I will learn and discover in seminary. His love prompts him to think ahead, planning the best ways for me to travel or the perfect gluten-free meal for me to eat. I take down his thirsty brown towel and replace it with a fresh one, and no one but me is the wiser. He takes out the recycling, I replenish the cupboards. Sometimes he cooks; sometimes it is I who shoves the enchiladas into the oven. 

But each act is a contribution to a partnership. Each thing is a statement about our intentions and our commitment. Self-revelation, indeed. And when the reflection in the other's eyes holds up a truth that is ugly, that smells, that reveals our base self-centeredness, the reaction we strive for and move toward is the gradual light of forgiveness dawning in those same eyes. We embrace the truth of our sin and imperfection. We accept the forgiveness of God through our lover's heart. We decide to say "I do" to God and to each other over and over again.

I'll close with some Irving Berlin lyrics, carefully selected for my one and only:

I've got a great big amount
Saved up in my love account
Honey
And I've decided
Love divided
In two
Won't do

So
I'm putting all my eggs in one basket
I'm betting everything I've got on you

Here's to all the "backwards" folks

Apparently it is no longer reasonable to expect a newlywed man not to cheat in his first year, according to an interview I watched on abcnews.com. More and more men (and women) step outside of their marriage bounds long before they get to the "seven-year-itch."

To the lady's credit, she did tell people that living together before marriage increases the chances of cheating. However, she also told women to "just join 'em" when their man wants to view pornography. She says this will spice up their sex life and hopefully prevent the man from seeking sex outside of marriage.

Sorry, but viewing porn together is not the answer!!

Yesterday, I also watched part of an Oprah program where a couple of 14-year-olds were discussing whether or not they would have sex together. I was glad they were talking about it and that their parents were there. But I was SICK about the fact that the boy's mom bought him condoms. I don't want you to do it, but just in case. Talk about a double message. Keep talking to your kids about sex, for pete's sake, but give them a reason NOT to go there until marriage. The  most these particular parents seemed to be hoping for was to delay the sex, at least for another 6 months to a year. 

There is a better answer!

And lastly, my heart has been stirred by the delightful performance of Susan Boyle on Britain's Got Talent. But why in the world does the media keep identifying her as "the woman who's never been kissed." As if she is less of a person. As if she is not everything God created her to be as a woman!

Now I'm the last one to put down sex. God created it in all its glory--and since my new husband and I waited for marriage, red-hot monogamy has been better than I could have ever imagined. No STDs to wonder about. No trust issues about whether my spouse is capable of being faithful. No limits on enjoying the gift that's championed in the Song of Solomon, when doing so with a pure heart.

God created this amazing bond between a husband and a wife to cement them together, to carry their love the distance. But, just as we owe our very lives to the God who lovingly created us and seeks to redeem us from our sin, I'd like to propose that we owe our sex lives to God as well.

I've noticed that much of the pain and heartache in our lives stem from bad choices in our romantic relationships. "I contracted herpes at age 15 because I didn't know my girlfriend was infected." "I thought sex would keep us together forever, but my boyfriend just used me for a few months before moving on to the next girl." "I thought pornography would make me feel like a man, but all my life it kept me from ever pursuing a healthy relationship with a woman." 

Satisfying our sexual urges is a tough path, I'll admit: but life can be tough in general. When we make a decision to present our bodies and our minds to God, and to ask for His help when we make mistakes, to get back on track, to try to keep ourselves pure, wonderful things happen and tragedy is avoided. It turns out these "backward rules" God outlined in the Bible really do work.

I can testify as a single for 35 years and a married woman for one, that God knows us well enough to know exactly what we need to be whole people. Sex can be more amazing than most people realize--when it blossoms in the right place (marriage) with the right person (your spouse), it's the real deal. No regrets. No justifications. Just pure enjoyment. 

Here's to all the "backwards" folks.

Oh, and one last thing...Susan Boyle, I hope you win the prize!

What now, what next

Each day, opportunity awaits. Just about 12 months ago I gained a husband, left a job and a life, and moved a state away. This was no small thing for a 35-year-old, but I knew it was completely right. It even felt inevitable.

We're still madly in love, although the oxytocin bonding hormone has cooled a bit. You can't sit staring googly-eyed at each other forever. At some point, you carry your love outward, channeling it into meaningful pursuits. It is that time.

I couldn't have envisioned this place at all a year ago. I had to find my way, for sure. But now, a new frontier stretches before me. I am ready to stretch my wings, to find the place God has for me. To use my gifts of teaching, encouragement, writing, and leadership to the fullest. No holding back. It feels as if there are no restraints or reservations, just a blank slate stretching before us, beckoning us to trust that God will show us the way.

He's already steered us toward seminary for me, providing some scholarship money, building the excitement in my heart. This Sunday I become a member of our Nazarene congregation--something entirely new for me, but something that feels perfectly natural and right.

In five months, I'll be plopped down in seminary classes, inhaling the knowledge that comes from studying on a deeper level, discovering more about God and his purposes for us. Along the way, I'll continue to teach and to encourage as opportunity presents itself. I'd love to write more and to speak about all of the amazing things God continues to reveal to me on my journey.

I'm so thankful for this life, so thankful for David, so thankful for whatever this future ministry holds. I can't wait to get started, to move forward, to be obedient.

But before I can do that, I have to pause. I have to thank God for more blessings than I count. First, I stand grateful for the direction God has given us. I want to thank the husband for his full support and encouragement as I seek God's calling on my life. A few years ago on this blog, I wondered in writing what it would be like to be "one of two." There was longing in my heart--a longing that has been satisfied. Now I long for whatever God has for me as I stretch my wings. Onward . . .

"Hope" by Emily Dickinson

Hope is the thing with feathers 
That perches in the soul, 
And sings the tune--without the words, 
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard; 
And sore must be the storm 
That could abash the little bird 
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land, 
And on the strangest sea; 
Yet, never, in extremity, 
It asked a crumb of me.

Surely He is the Son of God

And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit. At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split. The tombs broke open and the bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. They came out of the tombs, and after Jesus' resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many people. When the centurion and those with him who were guarding Jesus saw the earthquake and all that had happened, they were terrified, and exclaimed, "Surely he was the Son of God!"

(gospel of Matthew, chapter 27, verses 50-54)

Remember, Sunday's coming!

a week in the life

If words and phrases could describe the last week, they would pile up, in no particular order. And they would look something like this:

poopy diaper

breadsticks

seminary scholarship

mcdonald's drive-thru

ladies' tea

slumdog millionnaire

ecclesiastes

annie dillard

pesto

facebook

fresh-baked granola

conference call

mary of nazareth

chris rice hymns

Easter ham

sports-crazed toddler

helping hand

dave ramsey

snow

spa night

nieces

consignment shop

pink sweats

untasty brownies

call with first-grade friend

love note from hubbie

hymnsing with 95-year-old friend

wedding pictures up

"House" on

...gotta run.