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I am getting married on April 26 to the man I love. This is no small thing, and I am wholeheartedly grateful for this blessing. The kind of grateful where you lie down with half of your face on the carpet and thank your heavenly Father, because you are so humbled by God's goodness, and the way he has provided a good thing for you so specifically, as His unique child. I am thankful for how He brought David and I together, and I can't wait to see what God does in our future, as we seek Him.
That's the very good part.
The hard, difficult part for me is being a bride. Not because I don't want to be the beautiful bride on the day I pledge my heart and life to David. That's not it at all. It's the obsession with the details and the sometimes all-too-unsubtle messages that one who is single sometimes feels in his or her heart--or even sometimes hears from someone who is less than sensitive to their situation.
Like...
"You're not worthwhile and you don't deserve being celebrated because you haven't captured someone's heart. Watch as we throw 3.7 showers and a big wedding party for the one who is in love."
"You will, once again, lose part of the friendship with this dear friend who is about to get married and be preoccupied with his or her new spouse...even if that person provided for some of your key relational needs as a single person. Oh, well. You must once again, move on..."
"You, my friend, should bury your deep, core desire for a love of your own and be ecstatically happy for your friend who is getting married, even if a piece of your heart hurts in the process."
Now I am not saying that wedding showers are bad. In fact, they are generous and wonderful. I am looking forward to them in many ways. But who will celebrate the person with a lonely or yearning heart? Wasn't it God who said he is closest to those whose hearts are hurting--or simply, those who are thirsting for love?
Most singles are not ALWAYS struggling, but we go through seasons. Shouldn't we be celebrated whether we struggle or not? Do we please Jesus when we respect persons based on who decides to love them? Or do we please him more when we decide to celebrate each person's glory as an always-treasured child of God, no matter their marital status or situation.
Don't mistake what I'm saying here: I am filled with joy at the blessings of love, but my heart is also sensitive, with strong feelings for those of us who have spent so many years wishing for love.
If you're reading this, please find a way to encourage a single. Throw a party to celebrate them. Invite them to dinner. Listen to their hearts. Surprise them with a gift that is "uniquely them."
Do exactly what our heavenly Father does for anyone who sometimes struggles with deep desires God has given that go unfulfilled for a time--move toward them, not away from them.
To sum it up, we should celebrate marriage, but even more, we should allow Christ's love to flow through us as we discover how to celebrate individuals made in Jesus' image. I hope I can keep wrestling with what it means to celebrate people like Jesus would, lavishly.
4 years ago
