Signs of Hope

Our friend is still fighting, and we saw signs of hope today. We just returned from the hospital, where we learned that they took Jack off of sedation and saw him glance around the room, as well as responding to a voice command to squeeze and release someone's hand.

They sedated him again, as his blood pressure was going wild. Please pray that they are able to stabilize him (he is also doing some breathing on his own). When they can stabilize him, they can talk further about doing the bypass surgery that is required.

Keep those prayers comin'....

Please pray for our dear friend

Friends:

Dear friends of ours, Jack and Lahree, are in a completely unexpected crisis right now, and they need your prayers.

Yesterday morning, our dear friend Jack suffered a massive heart attack. (See attached picture of David and I with Jack and Lahree at their cottage over New Years.) He is hospitalized in critical condition, and it will be another day before we know if he has brain activity.

Jack has been so special to me, like a second dad, and I was looking forward to him walking me down the aisle at my wedding.

We will pray for a miracle, knowing that Jack has a heavenly Abba Father who cares for him more than we ever could. We are praying Scripture found in Psalm 41:1-4 for this faithful servant-- "Blessed is he who has regard for the weak; the Lord delivers him in times of trouble. The Lord will protect him and preserve his life; he will bless him in the land and not surrender him to the desire of his foes. The Lord will sustain him on his sickbed and restore him from his bed of illness."

51 days...but who's counting?

Dearest friends:

I am a pathetic blogger these days...but a happy bride-to-be!

David and I had our first shower on Sunday at his church in Indiana...40 women attended! I was humbled and awed by their generosity and their welcoming spirits. My favorite gift? A toss-up between the laundry sorter from Target (3 bins!) and the Kate Spade candle holders (we did not register for these but they are amazing!) David's favorite gift: the pizza stone. Gotta love a guy who can cook...who makes you a frittata on Sunday mornings before church. In the future, I might even get him to serve me breakfast in bed! :)

The journey is sweet, albeit hectic at times, and our family and friends are wonderfully supportive and encouraging.

I'll be back soon with musings on what it will mean to share our problems and our peanut butter, the dailiness and the divine of married life.

51 days. We still can't believe it. But we're quite simply, overjoyed.

Talk to you soon.

Confessions from an 35-year-old bride

I am getting married on April 26 to the man I love. This is no small thing, and I am wholeheartedly grateful for this blessing. The kind of grateful where you lie down with half of your face on the carpet and thank your heavenly Father, because you are so humbled by God's goodness, and the way he has provided a good thing for you so specifically, as His unique child. I am thankful for how He brought David and I together, and I can't wait to see what God does in our future, as we seek Him.

That's the very good part.

The hard, difficult part for me is being a bride. Not because I don't want to be the beautiful bride on the day I pledge my heart and life to David. That's not it at all. It's the obsession with the details and the sometimes all-too-unsubtle messages that one who is single sometimes feels in his or her heart--or even sometimes hears from someone who is less than sensitive to their situation.

Like...
"You're not worthwhile and you don't deserve being celebrated because you haven't captured someone's heart. Watch as we throw 3.7 showers and a big wedding party for the one who is in love."
"You will, once again, lose part of the friendship with this dear friend who is about to get married and be preoccupied with his or her new spouse...even if that person provided for some of your key relational needs as a single person. Oh, well. You must once again, move on..."
"You, my friend, should bury your deep, core desire for a love of your own and be ecstatically happy for your friend who is getting married, even if a piece of your heart hurts in the process."

Now I am not saying that wedding showers are bad. In fact, they are generous and wonderful. I am looking forward to them in many ways. But who will celebrate the person with a lonely or yearning heart? Wasn't it God who said he is closest to those whose hearts are hurting--or simply, those who are thirsting for love?

Most singles are not ALWAYS struggling, but we go through seasons. Shouldn't we be celebrated whether we struggle or not? Do we please Jesus when we respect persons based on who decides to love them? Or do we please him more when we decide to celebrate each person's glory as an always-treasured child of God, no matter their marital status or situation.

Don't mistake what I'm saying here: I am filled with joy at the blessings of love, but my heart is also sensitive, with strong feelings for those of us who have spent so many years wishing for love.

If you're reading this, please find a way to encourage a single. Throw a party to celebrate them. Invite them to dinner. Listen to their hearts. Surprise them with a gift that is "uniquely them."

Do exactly what our heavenly Father does for anyone who sometimes struggles with deep desires God has given that go unfulfilled for a time--move toward them, not away from them.

To sum it up, we should celebrate marriage, but even more, we should allow Christ's love to flow through us as we discover how to celebrate individuals made in Jesus' image. I hope I can keep wrestling with what it means to celebrate people like Jesus would, lavishly.

The Next Great Widget...er, Blidget

Guys:

You can download the blidget below to your blog or home page and get my latest posts updated without having to visit my blog. Isn't life grand? Just click on "get widget."

Happy trails!

the sacred page 5

New Year's Up North Eve

Some people like to get to warmer places when winter strikes. Not me! For the last four New Year's I've been treasuring up north giveaways at my friends' cozy cottage near sleeping bear dunes. And this year was a blissfully white, full-of-the-snow-we-enjoy-in December-and-try-to-"endure"-by the-time-February-rolls-around holiday!

Pics to enjoy....engagement story below, in case you missed it. Feels like old news now!

PICS:
David's cheesy self-portrait on New Year's Eve; Suzie & her kindred spirit friend Brenda at their favorite up north restaurant; ; David & Suzie at the summit of Empire Bluff, overlooking Lake Michigan; Jack & my fiance ham it up!; Jack, Lahree, Suzie & David inside the cozy cabin

I said . . . yes, of course!

Last night, at around 7:30 pm, on the second floor of an old, beautiful hotel, as we were sitting next to a brilliantly lit Christmas tree, David asked me to be his wife! After I recovered, I said I'd be honored.

It wasn't yet Christmas, and so I was slightly surprised, especially since a sinus headache had put me in a foul mood earlier in the day. And since I was speaking and singing in Sunday School this morning, I had grand plans to be in bed by about 9 pm. Riiiiight.

David, the early bird, woke up about 6 am Saturday--by 7 am he was asking my mother if he could marry her daughter. At 7:30 am, he was scheduled to have breakfast at IHOP with a very good friend of mine named Jack. He and his wife have become like family to me over the last several years, and Jack wanted to have a little one-on-one time with David, to get to know him a bit better and make sure he truly is the one I've been waiting for! After over 2 hours at breakfast with Jack, David had clued him in on his intentions and showed him the diamond.

Then David began a long day of waiting . . .

Our date started with a wonderful tour of a local garden that featured Christmas trees around the world. Next, the first-rate Cuban/Spanish restaurant where we had our first date. We reminisced about our first evening together in June and laughed at how comfortable we'd become. For dessert, we reordered a scrumptious dish of the most heavenly dark chocolate. My headache was easing, and my mood was definitely improving...

A nice walk through downtown, then a stroll through the hotel until David found his spot.
Surreal, yes. Happy, absolutely! Thankful? I am!

For God in his perfect way, in his perfect timing, has brought two "mature" never-been-marrieds together. We pinched each other to make sure it was real. It is.

When I called mom last night, she said she'd been praying for David for 38 years. "But I'm only 35!" I insisted. "Oh, 36 years then." Turns out she was asking God to bring me a godly spouse while she was pregnant.

Thanks, mom! And thanks be to God, who gives us immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine.

Surprise, Surprise

Sometimes people in love just make you...roll your eyes. Unless, perchance, you are the person in love. When you are the smitten, your behavior makes perfect sense. Trust me!

You do what are normally senseless things like stealing a kiss from your paramour in a crowded concert hall. You spend time dreaming up the perfect meal you might cook for your sweetie and staying up way past your bedtime talking with him or her, dreaming about your future together. And strangely, you usually aren't that tired the next day. It's the way of love, at least when it is new and fresh.

And occasionally a man might even drive three hours north in the middle of a Thursday to surprise his beloved with a dozen red roses, just because. This is the situation I found myself in a few weeks ago, when the receptionist called to tell me I had a package up front.

It makes me smile now, but at the moment I saw those roses and David sitting next to them, I was shocked and confused. I had just talked to him an hour before, while he was at "work." I halted in my tracks and mumbled something about not understanding--it was the perfect ambush, a delightful surprise.

Another case of shock and awe

Recently I was asked to teach a Sunday School class on Mary, the mother of Jesus. I knew it would definitely require research and study--I also knew it would personally be a great opportunity to discover more about her myself during this Advent and Christmas season.

So I'm digging in, eager to know more about her, to unearth her motives, her mind, and her heart.

And what I see is shocking, in all its clarity: a mere slip of a girl, 13 or 14, mostly forgettable and unusable in her day, except as a wife, which she would soon become. It would bring her dignity; it would offer her in some ways, a new life.

So, one day, out of the blue, an angel approaches you and says you're highly blessed. Your mind racing, you struggle to grasp the message you are given. But instead of doubting, you wonder, "How can this happen to me? I haven't had sex."

And when the angel explains that you will become pregnant by the Holy Spirit, you absorb his words about you...about your relative Elizabeth.....about nothing being beyond Yahweh.

And of all the things you could say, YOU SAY YES!

You put the request of God above your family, who will most certainly want nothing to do with you. You put God's plan above your own safety, knowing you could easily be stoned. You put Joseph's promise to you in jeopardy--perhaps he will only divorce you quietly...

YOU SAY YES. And the really amazing thing is, Joseph does, too. He also listens to the angel, and decides he will marry you still, giving up his right to intimacy with you until your baby is born, playing second-fiddle, serving as your midwife, fleeing with you and Jesus to keep you safe, giving all of us another first-class lesson in obedience.

But what was harder, Mary? Becoming the mother of Jesus, or moving from your role as mother to the role of disciple. Even when Jesus left you out to pursue his ministry, even when you stood by the cross, watching him die as surely as you had been present to his birth. And after he was long gone to heaven, serving faithfully in the early Church.

Here is the lesson for me about Mary. When the shock of her life came, and she was asked to give up everything for obedience, she didn't hesitate. At such a tender age, her heart was already set on faithfulness to God. The decision was made before the angel frightened her that day.

I only hope my heart would also be this open to the Holy Spirit's lead. I want what Mary has. Surprises or not. Even if it makes me uncomfortable. And even if it costs.

The giving of many thanks

So, was your Thanksgiving thanks-filled? I absolutely adore the minutes after everyone sits down to enjoy a thanksgiving feast and family members take their turns offering up what they are most grateful for.

I cherish these moments because they remind you what make your loved ones tick; I cling to their words because our daily lives often seem more filled with the grumblings within and without than the unadulterated gratefulness that is infinitely more becoming.

I love the giving of thanks.

I also love the sight of my main squeeze cooking up a juicy turkey and carving it for his family. (He's the one smiling; his brother is the one hiding!) I enjoyed meeting David's mother and father, and the sister and niece I also met for the first time this weekend. David's nearest brother and his family are thoughtful, intentional and interesting. And I look forward to meeting his other brother's family who lives out West someday in the future.

We also traveled to my sister Julie's house for another celebration on Saturday; the food was amazing, the fellowship even better.

I missed dad this weekend (as I imagine most of you missed a loved one who has passed on), and I took Shakespeare's words to heart: "He that lacks time to mourn, lacks time to mend." And so on Thanksgiving Day, after the family had left, and David and I sat together, the tears flowed.

Though the pain over the wrongness of our separation cut through my heart, the sobs also reminded me of the gift of dad's presence in my life for over 34 years. And the hope-filled assurance that I will see him again, when all wrong is made so very right.

Thank you, lover of my soul, for this deep assurance. Thank you for life, love, and even loss--for it reminds me of the gifts of life and love. I am thankful, even for the opportunity to miss these gifts, and to long for them all the more.

quote for today

“Just the knowledge that a good book is awaiting one at the end of a long day makes that day happier.”
–Kathleen Norris, Hands Full of Living

So, what good book currently awaits you at the end of the day?

Thanksgiving recap later this week...

Drink Reed's & make your stomach happy!

I drink this crazy brew every week--Reed's ginger brew--which is technically ginger ale, but with up to 25 grams of ginger in a bottle, it's like a thousand times stronger than Vernors or something.
I'm addicted, really. But this is one addiction that's actually good for me: with fruit juice instead of refined sugar, some way powerful ginger, and herbs and spices, all brewed batch by batch, it's a killer complement to any meal.
At Reed's, they treat their products like fine wine and take their health benefits seriously. David and I love the way the ginger helps you digest a meal (other health benefits extolled at reedsgingerbrew.com).
I dare you to try the "extra ginger" brew...or if you'd rather start slowly, go for the raspberry ginger brew. It delivers a happy kick that will make your stomach smile.
It's available at health food stores, and now some grocery stores, like Meijer. Drink up, then post your review here!

One Enchanted Evening

Last weekend, my fine-looking boyfriend and I had a magical time. It started with the culinary delights of The Melting Pot, a fondue restaurant.

The truth is, we are both foodies at heart, and neither of us could get over the fantastic array of vegetables and exotic cheese; the beauty of filet mignon, shrimp, and pork in a mojo broth; the exquisite richness of dark chocolate raspberry fondue covering our skewered bananas, cheesecake, and marshmallows, paired with the perfect port wine. Ooo-laa-laa!

And this is where I give you a secret from our waiter that is priceless when it comes to enjoying an evening of fondue--dump at least one of your courses in the pot, no skewers required. That is the trick when you're feeling hungry and want your food straightaway without having to slowly cook it yourself. We employed this trick with our vegetables, retrieving them with our slotted "rescue" spoon a minute and a half later, and enjoying quick fruits with almost no labor.

One final word: allow three hours from start to finish.

Then it was on to the Celtic Woman concert to enjoy a musical ensemble comprised of five Irish female artists: vocalists Chloë Agnew, Órla Fallon, Lynn Hilary and Lisa Kelly, and fiddler Máiréad Nesbitt. The group's repertoire ranges from traditional Celtic tunes to modern songs.

Fiddler Mairead Nesbitt was spellbinding, nymphlike, and joyous as she brandished her instrument, dancing and twirling while she effortlessly mastered the fiddle--in high heels, no less. It reminded me of how I believe we will offer up our giftedness in heaven, with abandon, no reservations, and with unimaginable verve. The voices of the others were airy, perfect, and sometimes strong. There was Swanee River and You Raise Me Up, Irish tunes (but of course) and rocked-out percussion sequences.

You will wonder if you should pay $40, $50, or $60 to see this wonderful sight--I can only tell you that I am a lifetime music lover, and I have never experienced its equal.

An enchanted evening, indeed. Thanks, David! You're the best.

quote for a Thursday

“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” Natalie Goldberg

My question...so why do we still try to control our lives so much, knowing that we can't? Please post...

To the overscheduled, he says "come"

Sometimes I get too busy and I forget so quickly how much Jesus loves me, how much he desires for me to sit quietly with him. To discover the secrets of the abundant life he desperately wants to give you and me.

And, when my life gets too crowded and the word "margin" begins to refer only to settings on my Microsoft Word documents, I can get sad, anxious, and angry all at once.

Like this week, when a woman on the phone pressed me on something, and I retorted, "Well, OBVIOUSLY NOT." (Ugly.) Or the morning I woke up and felt like I wanted to cancel every appointment or obligation on my calendar for the next 6 months or so. (Seriously.) Or how about the way I so easily take on not only my own stuff, but the burdens and expectations of others, forgetting to bring all my anxieties to my heavenly Father, knowing and believing he will take care of them. (Pride masquerading as "genuine concern.")

Busted!

But even when I find myself in the ugliest of places, Jesus' invitation from Matthew 11:28-30 stares back at me, unflinchingly, from my open Bible, and I know he's inviting me back to a place of freedom and life.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened (yes, I'm drowning under the load!)

...and I will give you rest. (I like to think of it as cool water and shade after a hot, dusty hike)

Take my yoke upon you (my way of doing life) and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

(And all those words, "rest," "easy," and "light" bring peace and a smile.)

So, consider this, on the days, weeks, or months I choose busyness or productivity over sweet rest in Jesus, I am not being obedient. I am taking a load that is not mine to bear--and it shows. To my coworkers, to the man God has given me, to my girlfriends, to the friends who haven't checked into what this abundant God-life is all about. Especially to them.

And so, to the overscheduled and harried, he says "come." That is why this week I have made way for more margin, more time just to be. And that is precisely why I canceled today's Biblestudy, even though I always look forward to it. Because sometimes you have to choose the best over the very good.

Sometimes the most Jesus-like thing a girl can do is to stop and say "It's time for rest."

"Isn't it lovely?" or "Suzie falls in love at last"

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
Erich Sega

Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life.
Lord Byron

Yes! Alright already! I have fallen in love and left blogging behind for too long, until friends and acquaintances and my honey himself have begged me to write at last, to fill in all the delicious blanks in this love story, to give them reasons to smile coyly and whisper, "Well, Suzie, it's about time..."

About 6 months ago, I was on eharmony.com, partly as a diversion from the impending grief our family was experiencing at the thought of losing dad--partly because, although my dating life seemed bleak (or non-existent), I still thought there might be a single of the male species out there, over 30 years old, who loved Jesus, didn't fear commitment, and might someday love me. Maybe.

I wasn't holding my breath, and I was carefully screening all potential applicants. Within a month, I had closed out a bevy of 43-year-olds (or it seemed like they were all 43) who either weren't serious in their search or just didn't seem right for Suzie.

And so, as my options narrowed drastically, a 41-year-old from the state of Indiana named David, remained open. He looked kind, he appeared to have a good heart, and to my surprise, it seemed like I had the qualities he was looking for.

Then came the first phone call, an awkward event, where each party listens politely, and laughs more than usual. He was interesting, this David. But was he determined enough to call back? Sensitive enough for a grieving heart? Confident enough to appreciate a confident woman?

In short, yes! And so began the process of phone calls and visits, the shared interests of following Jesus, and appreciating music, fine cuisine and dark chocolate--and discovering differences, and admiring each other carefully from a distance.

I am not sure when this fondness turned to love, for it was gradual and sweet. Was it the beautiful bike ride around Mackinac Island? The day he slipped a "ring pop" on my finger and asked me to go steady? Could it be the way David, although unsure of what to say or do, stepped into the fresh grief mom and I were experiencing? Perhaps it was the day I realized that although dad had never met David, I knew for certain dad would appreciate David's strong work ethic and his faithful heart; his easy laughter and the way he opens my car door, just one of the ways he gently cares for me.

It was not a moment in time for me, but a slow understanding and awakening. I write of it now because writer Don Miller once said that if you like someone you should tell them. How much more true, I think, if you love them, and they are in a place to receive that love. Especially when they have first extended their love to you.

Of course, CS Lewis also writes that love is dangerous, and that if you want to protect your heart, you will not give it to anyone, not even an animal. But I have learned through the years, as Lewis did, the life of the imprisoned, guarded heart is no way to live. And so I choose love, no matter what comes.

Not long ago I held David's hand and said "God is good, all the time." And he said "All the time, God is good."

I'm still here!

Despite the lack of posts, I'm still here...more to come this week on this whirlwind of a life.

And for now, a quote for the day:

"One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words."
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Author Madeleine L'Engle goes home

If my religion is true, it will stand up to all my questioning; there is no need to fear.
Madeleine L'Engle (1918-2007)

She passed away this last week, living behind hundreds of thousands of admirers. In writing, she believed a greater spirit of creativity came alive that almost mystically wrote through her. In her Christian faith, she embraced the tension of loving Jesus and being creative, pushing all the envelopes, never caring what others thought. She made us think deeper and broader, more critically and more openly. She will be missed.

Don't miss her beautiful little book Walking on Water.

Once Upon a Deer

Just last evening, I posted the beginning of a list of the best things in life that are free.

Tonight, God gave me a glimpse of one of those "best things" in the presence of three delicate fawns. Sure, you can say it's coincidence that I listed "watching a fawn wander through a meadow." And if you're so inclined, you can even believe it.

But I saw not one, but three white-tailed beauties frolicking through the only open, wide green space near my apartment building. All this, as I returned from a long walk where I poured out the mysteries and thoughts of my heart and mind to my Creator.

Sometimes these walks are the only way for me to process the deeper things that are moving and shifting, the questions and musings, the worries and what-ifs.

And when I saw this unlikely sight, I felt as if my Maker was holding my heart, as if he was reminding me that as I walk through life, he will be in the details, no matter what life brings. No matter what comes.

Brilliant joys, shattering lows, big transitions, unknown plot lines that have yet to be written in my story.

He may show up in the playful antics of a fawn. He may thunder into my thoughts through a lightning storm. Or hold me through the arms of a beloved. Or awaken the jaded parts of my heart through the laughter of a child.

He may do whatever he pleases. But whatever that might be, he will never stop loving me.

The best things in life are free...

• A wink or a kiss on the cheek from a cherished admirer
• a full afternoon reading a fascinating page-turner
• long, meandering walks in the woods, smelling the pine trees
• slow sunsets over Lake Michigan
• listening to or creating soulful music
• filling several journal pages with a "gratefulness list"
• lending a hand to someone in need
• watching a fawn wander through a meadow
• listening to stories from anyone over 75
• poring over a photography or art book at the library
• concocting a really wonderful dessert out of leftover ingredients
• observing an elderly couple holding hands
• and more....YOUR TURN, PLEASE POST!